bedtime

I escaped the chaos of bedtime tonight, and snuck upstairs with my Avery girl. I had just bathed her and put her in clean jammies. I turned off the lights and sat in the rocker with her. It was quiet and dark, with just her nightlight glowing in the corner. While I fed her, we rocked and she looked up at me with her bright baby eyes. I told her how much I love her and how thankful I am for her. I told her what a good little girl she is and how she makes our family complete. While we talked, her eyes got heavy and eventually they closed- and she drifted off to sleep. I could hear the kids downstairs and my head was telling me to lay her down and help Aaron put the older kids to bed...my heart told me "you're going to miss this." So- I listened to my heart.

We rocked and rocked and I prayed. I thanked my Heavenly Father for this beautiful, completely perfect, pink, bundle of love. I thanked him for the peaceful feeling I have when I hold her- the feeling that all of my children are here and that our family is complete. I thanked him for the blessing of being a mother. I thanked him for her. My sweet Avery. After my prayer, I rubbed my cheek against her fuzzy head and breathed in her yummy newborn smell. I listened to her breathe in and out, and watched her calm, peaceful profile in the dim light- and thought about how completely blessed I am to have 5 healthy children. My life feels crazy and busy and loud right now. But this is what I wanted. It's what I prayed and hoped for. It's what I dreamed of.

And after all that- I layed her in her crib. And guess what? The kids were still up, I got to help put them to bed after all. It was a perfect night.